So I don’t forget that this is possible
Today is 78 degrees and sunny. The breeze is soft and cool and the neighborhood is quiet. No roaring lawnmowers or zinging weed whackers, no construction noise, nothing jarring - just birdsong, leaves ticking against each other in the breeze, and cricket chatter. Pure heaven.
Summer days like this are rare. The way I’m feeling is rarer still. I feel contented, unfettered. Present. I remember feeling this way every summer when I was a little girl, but at some point the ability to live happily in the present diminished as I got older and made the unwise, if unconscious, choice to spend most current moments planning or worrying about future ones.
Yeah, the bills are stacked on the corner of the desk waiting to be paid. The laundry waits to be folded and put away. The refrigerator is empty. There is work for a client owing but not overdue. The dogs need brushing. Daughter’s birthday box hasn’t been mailed yet and I’m supposed to search her closet for paintbrushes she left behind. It’s time to request another mortgage pre-approval in the event our house sells soon, which doesn’t look likely. Our Realtor’s contract is about to expire. Do we keep her or do I begin interviewing again? Our future is full of big, scary questions about health and finances and, well, you name it, so is yours.
Most days these things or others keep my mind strumming with some level of anxiety and they keep my attention focused on some point in the future while making the present unpleasant and sometimes simply awful. I have to get to this. I have to address that. Next week I have to remember to do this. If I don’t get that done soon, this will happen.
But today? Suddenly and inexplicably there’s none of that. I don’t know where the anxiety has gone or why it’s gone, but I don’t care. I feel wonderful. I realize this is probably temporary. Maybe hormonal. Maybe just a grace note in a long, hot stressful summer. Who knows, tomorrow I may well find myself back to wondering Oh, my god, how am I supposed to get all of this done and do it all right?
But today I’m smiling.
Here’s a short video from our weekend away. The picture isn’t great, the photographer doesn’t have the most steady hands, but LISTEN. Just listen…
Beach at Sunset from The Bigger They Get on Vimeo.
August 21st, 2008 at 10:31 am
I once tried to read a book called “Wherever You Go, There You Are” which is about this very thing — living for the moment. However I never could finish it because I was busy worrying about the future and the past.
August 22nd, 2008 at 7:25 pm
I know exactly the kind of day you’re describing, and it always feels like childhood to me. Just one of those days can improve my whole week.
flurriouss last blog post..If You Need Any Drywall or Used Day Planners, You Have Come to the Right Place
August 23rd, 2008 at 8:52 pm
Have you considered that maybe someone’s been spiking your O.J. with Xanax–’cause that’s exactly the feeling I get when I’ve had one!
No, I’m not a druggie, but a couple of carefully timed anti-anxiety pills really help with things like a death in the family.
Jenn @ Juggling Lifes last blog post..Overheard On The Road
August 25th, 2008 at 2:53 pm
I don’t THINK anyone is spiking my juice, but if so, that’s okay. Whatever works, you know?