The Bigger They Get…

This morning Yes,Dear’s alarm clock rings. It does this seven days a week because he doesn’t know how to turn it off, but he sets it for a different time each day depending on when he has to get up, so it’s ringing is meaningless to me except to indicate that it’s past sunrise on a new day.

Me, groggy: What time is it?

Yes Dear: 10:01, but I didn’t reset the clock yet.

Inside my head: Ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygod, it’s ten of one? That means it’s ten of 12….the dogs are gonna to burst, Son One is going to be late for work, ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygod.

Me, flying out of bed: HOW THE HELL DID WE SLEEP THIS LATE? Can you drive Son One to work? I’ve got to get moving on stuff.

I run down the hallway and pound on Son One’s door. Get up. get up, get up!!! We overslept!

Son One, unconvincingly: I’m up, I’m up.

I run down the stairs and rush the dogs out the back door before they can make a mess I don’t want to clean up.

Then I glance at the kitchen clock. It says 10:15.

Huh?

I check my cell phone. It says 9:15.

I check the computer. It says 9:15.

Then I take the kitchen clock off the wall, go upstairs, and beat Yes,Dear to death with it.

He must learn to enunciate.

This has been a good week. Chicago last weekend was full of all kinds of girl fun with all kinds of fun girls and Italian and Greek food (Flaming Cheese!! Yum) and whatever you do, go see The Secret Life of Bees because we did and we all cried and we all loved it. I SO love my girls.

Then the Phillies won on Wednesday night which was SPECTACULAR and LONG IN COMING and made Yes,Dear and me cry tears of joy and reminisce about how the last time this happened we’d just started dating and look at us now, and how back in 1980 Yes,Dear ran over the foot of a Phillie’s fan who was dancing in the street and the guy was too drunk to feel it. GO PHILLIES!!!

And then Friday I spent the afternoon shopping for souvenir Championship memorabilia because I have a husband and two sons and the stores were packed but the crowds were all happy and friendly because they hadn’t tried to get downtown for the parade which was wall to wall people and you couldn’t get near the stadiums even if you had tickets which our boys did but Son One couldn’t get off work and Son Two got as far as City Hall before SEPTA was completely overwhelmed by spirited mobs hordes of Phillies Phans.

And Friday evening, as per tradition, we set up the firepit in the front yard and greeted mobs hordes of trick or treaters who ended up taking all of the candy which was a good thing but not a great thing as it would have been nice to have a couple pieces left over, and three trick or treaters wearing sandwich boards with circles on them made me feel old when I asked them what they were and they said IPods. Crap. Then we sat up around the fire until three a.m. trying to lure a 22 year old staunch conservative (can you say Alex Keaton?) over to the side of puppies and rainbows and glitter and Democrats. It didn’t work but it was an excellent debate and I hope in 10 years or so he will look back on the experience and say, Okay, now that I have some LIFE under my belt, I can see where those smart people were coming from…And the fire and the debate kept us warm except for my ass which was, of course, pointed AWAY from the fire and perched in a metal chair and I had to get up and take a hot shower at 4 a.m. because I couldn’t sleep because my ass was FREEZING.

And then yesterday I slept and slept and ate and then slept some more.

And today I got more than an extra hour thanks to Yes,Dear.

Life is good. At least until 2 p.m. when a friend is coming over to help me straighten out the medical bills which I cannot face alone. Thank God for friends.

How was your week?