A Hypochondriac’s Rebus
From MSNBC in February: Can a shiny lip gloss slim your hips? Turns out it probably can’t (damn…), but that headline was a clever way to get people to read the article.
Personally, I prefer straightforward, unclever news and would have been much happier if the headline had simply stated SHINY LIP GLOSS CANNOT SLIM YOUR HIPS. If it had, I’d have thought, Okay, no need to read further and I’d have saved that five minutes for something more productive like laughing myself silly at pictures of Chuck on Dooce’s blog or watching the FillupMunkee show or cleaning the dryer vent. Of course, it would have been even better if they hadn’t published the story at all because it isn’t a story. It is a non-story.
But perhaps there were some who read that piece and thought, What the heck, there MIGHT be something to this lip gloss thing, why not give it a try? For those people, MSNBC followed up today with the following “above the fold” headline: Lip gloss ups cancer risk Many dermatologists say that slathering on shiny lip glosses can increase UV ray power — and your risk of developing a melanoma. Full story
And then they had the nerve to ask us to Vote: Are you worried?
HELL YES, I’M WORRIED! What are all of the people who’ve been slathering lip gloss on their hips supposed to do now? It’s no wonder Half of Americans struggle to stay happy (another MSNBC headline this week). This willy-nilly health reporting is giving me and, evidently, half of America palpitations!
Fortunately, MSNBC anticipated our agitation with this story: In search of the good old nervous breakdown.
I don’t think I’ll have to look far.
April 30th, 2008 at 3:22 pm
This is why I get my news from NPR. I occasionally like to break out the shiny lip gloss without worrying about things like cancer or the circumference of my hips.