The Bigger They Get…

When One sells a house it’s always a good idea to have somewhere to move TO, especially when One has to hit the bricks in say, oh, 30 DAYS.

Thus, if One is smart, One begins house hunting immediately which One has been doing compulsively for two years already, but now it’s time to actually VISIT some of the places One has been stalking online.  So One undertakes a journey, meets with a Realtor, and visits the three most promising homes currently available in One’s price range.

And then, if One is me and Yes,Dear (which I guess, technically, would be Two), One chooses to make an offer on the only house of the three One likes and the one, apparently, whose owners appear to disagree, now that they have an offer,  about whether they actually want to sell.

And One sits and twiddles One’s thumbs, all four of them, and taps One’s feet – and I don’t mean gentle tapping; picture instead Michael Flatley of Lord of the Dance – waiting for a response to One’s offer while the property owners debate whether to actually sell the property they apparently agreed to put on the market over two months ago.

One is stressing.  One is overeating.  One is playing game after game of Spider Solitaire.  One is constantly checking for voice mails and/or emails from One’s Realtor.

One should be packing and hiring movers so One is prepared in very short order to move to…

Yeah, exactly.

It’s not even as if this is a super great house.  It is a good house.  It has good bones.  It needs some cosmetics, but nothing too far outside One’s skills and abilities and hopefully within One’s budget.

But THAT VIEW.

One would live in a BOX to wake up to that every morning.

One needs a drink.

We have to be out January 15th.  Talk about HERE’S YOUR HAT, WHAT’S YOUR HURRY?

We can do this.  It will be kind of like moving a circus, but without any elephants to clean up after, so I guess that’s better, right?

Eh, it’s all good.  Because we’re headed here (we say knocking on wood, spinning, clicking our ruby slippers and spitting twice over our left shoulders):

Posting for the next few weeks will be sporadic and will probably consist of the following:

AAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHH…

ACK!

OH MY ACHING BACK!!!

WHERE’S THE FREAKING TAPE?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, DIDN’T I CALL THE MOVERS?  I TOLD YOU TO CALL THE MOVERS!

WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU PACKED MY ZOLOFT?

Christmas?  Christmas, you say?  How are we going to do Christmas with all this crazy going on?  We’re going to get a TREE.  And we’re going to DECORATE it.  Then we’re going to sing Silent Night around the tree on Christmas Eve and Joy to the World on Christmas morning.  The kids will unwrap their gifts which will consist of a clementine, a walnut, and a tape gun.  Then we’ll pack and pack some more.  We’ll put ribbons on all of the packed boxes because we are festive people.

Any moving hints, tips, tricks, or excellent drink recipes you wish to share to help us through this would be most welcome.